Family Promises...

What does it mean to be family?

Is it purely biological?  If you are born to a couple, then you are family?  Perhaps, but many children will tell you they lived with biological parents and never felt loved or connected...they always longed to be part of a "family."

Is it some lovely feeling?  Perhaps.  But have there been moments when you felt less than loving, less than positive about a spouse or a child?  Does that make you no longer family?

What about the military?  They describe themselves as a family.  Sororities and fraternities even use the designation "brother" and "sister."  What about God's family?  Church family?

What does it mean to be a family?

Craig Dykstra, in his book Growing in Faith, suggests that "family is constituted by promises...it is the promises that make the family, before it is the family that makes promises."  When we marry, we create relationship through promises.  We have children, but we see them not as "biological offspring," but as sons and daughters.  Our children begin to see themselves as sons and daughters and see us as parents.  Dykstra says that "at the point where the child's promises become conscious and owned, promises are not newly being made.  Rather the promises are existing, already-lived promises becoming articulated and affirmed (or perhaps rejected)." (p. 100)

That sounds a lot like our understanding of our relationship with God.  God loves us, so we then are able to love God and love each other.  God acts to save us; we become conscious of that activity, own it, and commit our lives to the relationship(or  reject it...).

Dykstra goes a step further and claims "it is not the failure to keep promises, in and of itself, that destroys family.  Such failure happens in every family and can be expected.  Family can remain family in the midst of unfulfilled promises.  What destroys family is the collapse of promise-making."(Italics mine)

Promises start our journey as disciples.  Sometimes, we make the promise.  Often, it is made on our behalf and we choose later whether to accept or reject it.  If we accept,  every minute of every day we are called to live our promise of discipleship in response to God's promise of grace.

What happens to church families members refuse to participate in promise-making?  Does that, in fact,  destroy the family?  Look at the promises we make in membership vows when God calls us to a particular congregation:

A faithful member accepts Christ’s call to be involved responsibly in the ministry of his Church. 

Such involvement includes
a. proclaiming the good news,
b. taking part in the common life and worship of a particular church,
c. praying and studying Scripture and the faith of the Christian Church,
d. supporting the work of the church through the giving of money, time, and talents,
e. participating in the governing responsibilities of the church,
f. demonstrating a new quality of life within and through the church,
g. responding to God’s activity in the world through service to others,
h. living responsibly in the personal, family, vocational, political, cultural, and social relationships of life,
i. working in the world for peace, justice, freedom, and human fulfillment.

It strikes me that through the deliberate refusal to promise any of these, we begin the destruction of our church family.  If only our pastor and hired staff can proclaim the good news, we destroy our church.  If we do not take regular, frequent, part in the common life and worship of our particular church, we destroy our church.  If we do not pray and study Scripture and our faith...if we do not support the work of the church through our money, time and talents...if we do not participate in governing responsibilities...and so forth...We. Destroy. Our. Church.  It is often a slow death, much like the slow death of a marriage when partners stop making the promise to be in the marriage.  But death eventually results.  

Sometimes a congregation can hold on for a good while because some members of the family attempt to make promises on behalf of those not promise-making.  Some pledge more to cover those not pledging at all. Some serve more to make up for those not serving.  Some...well you get the point.

And the challenge here is that many of us who would absolutely agree with the statement that the collapse of promise-making destroys the family, are unquestioned experts at justifying our cessation of promise-making. We don't agree with a national vote, we don't like the people on the session, the pastor drives us crazy, we want to spend budget money on different priorities, we want contemporary/traditional music instead of traditional/contemporary music, we are angry at others in our families, we...fill in the blank.

Nowhere does it say "pick the membership promises you will make."  "Love God and love your neighbor as yourself," is not optional for just when we feel like it.  We'll never be perfect.  We'll always struggle together to interpret scripture, to serve just causes, to treat each other with respect when we are angry.  But if we have stopped even making the promises, we must know that we are no longer family.

Am I part of God's family, really, if I can't tell others where and how I see God at work in my life and in the world (proclaiming the good news), if I don't worship with the body, if I never pick up the family storybook and learn the story, if I don't share my resources generously and gladly, if I don't serve with the gifts I have, if I don't practice reconciliation with my brothers and sisters, if I don't demonstrate through every aspect of my life that I have made these promises?

Is your church struggling?  Not growing?  In conflict?  

Take a good look.  Are you still committed to the promise-making?   

I Understand...

I went to a meeting on Saturday.  First, it was Saturday.  Meeting...Saturday.  And it was morning.  Not in the heat of the day, but in the beautiful part of the morning.  Saturday meetings.  Bleh.

Everyone else seemed to be in the same mind-set.  The energy level in the room defined negative number.  The news was not good.  Everyone was in the same boat...the sinking one.  Sighs abounded.  People gave it a try, but it just didn't seem to be getting anyone anywhere.

But there was a child.  The attendees were invited to stand and introduce themselves and tell what church they were from.  They did.  80% of the way through, the child stands up.  She raises her hand.  She states her name and church.  We laugh...amazed at her bravery, her energy, her sense of self.  Introductions are finished.  An older man is asked to pray to open the meeting.  He does.

Meeting business is accomplished.  Our human efforts seem to fall flat.  There is always a bigger problem than any proposed solution.  The invoking of the Spirit at the beginning does not seem to have worked.  We are glad the meeting is over.  We will take our weary selves and spirits home and attempt to distract ourselves from the hole we are in.

The moderator asks for someone to close in prayer.  Eyes hit the floor.  He asks again.  And there was a child.  Her feet hit the floor and her hand shot into the air again.  He called her by name, asked if she wanted to pray with the tonality that allowed her to back out if she wanted.

No.

This child stand in front of 30 tired adults, folds her hands in front of her face, and prays us out.  I have no idea what words she used, but she spoke with passion and confidence.  

I understand.  That's why I will do whatever it takes to tithe--because there is a child.  That's why I will teach Sunday school and attend worship and pray for all I am worth--because there is a child.  That is why I will attend meetings on Saturdays and why I will tell the world what gives my life meaning and purpose, what keeps me focused on others and not myself.  There is a child.  

This precious child...she was five...she exhibited the faith we all should have.  She gifted us with a fearless, feckless faith that embedded itself so deeply in my soul that all I can say is...I understand.

I would have given my life on Saturday, I would give it today, for the child who knew what  loving God was all about.  I understand.  This life of faith is about saying our names, praying our prayers, greeting our neighbors, living for our God.  

With God's help, I will give my life for the child...for all the children, those who know God and those who need to know God...and for all those children, young and old, that God puts in my path.

I understood.  I understand.  

Do you?

Is it Giving?

In this culture, you learn early on that money is power.  The bully on the schoolyard demands money.  We assume the wealthy deserve our respect and the lower class our disdain.  We may think we know better, but our behaviors suggest a deep and abiding connection between having money and the assumption of smart, talented, capable, deserving and the absence of money and an assumption of dumb, untalented, incapable, and undeserving.

So American Christians with this ingrained assumption, an assumption that is so deep in us that we sometimes don't even recognize it, we money-is-power-Christians bump right into God's request to be generous givers.  Oh.  Us?!  Oh.  OK... Us?  Really?  Oh.  OK...

We, therefore, give.  Generously.  Or at least as generously as we can.  Because first, this whole giving thing should be shared by everyone.  And not everyone gives...not by a long shot.  So we'll give, but some, not all...because that will "encourage" those who don't give to do so.  If we supported the budget with a tithe, then other people would think they didn't need to give.  We could be 100% generous, but everyone should be involved first.

We give.  Generously.  Or at least as generously as we can.  Because second, we have these responsibilities.  We have to provide for our families.  Phones.  Cable TV.  Nice home...maybe even a little nicer than we can afford because it will give us our kids a leg up in a world that judges worth by what you have.  Hey, it's the way things are.  God wants us to take care of our children, and we need to give them all we can.  We need to put them in a position to succeed.

We give.  Generously.  Or at least as generously as we can.  Because...and probably most important...the church is always giving money to causes we don't agree with or doing something with it that we think is stupid.  And if not our local congregation, certainly those other people.  Who knows who they are or what they believe.  We certainly don't want our hard-earned dollars going to something we either don't know about or don't believe in.  There's got to be some controls in place.

So why doesn't our giving produce the promised blessing from God?  Why doesn't our faith grow?  Why don't our churches thrive?  Why don't people see the grace of God in our lives?

Is it generous giving if it is power?

"Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to provide you with every blessing in abundance, so that by always having enough of everything, you may share abundantly in every good work...for the rendering of this ministry not only supplies the needs of the saints but also overflows with many thanksgivings to God."  2 Corinthians 9:7-8, 12

Gnats and Gods...

Talk about financial giving floats around in our culture much like summer gnats.  Walk through your day and you see it coming...that cloud of annoyance that hovers right in your path.  Several choices are available.

• You can walk through the cloud, suffer the annoyance, and keep your eyes, ears and mouth blocked. 
• You can avoid the cloud altogether.
• Or, I suppose gnat elimination might be an option.  Get rid of the problem altogether.  Period.  

I think we know why gnats annoy us.  But why does talking about giving annoy us?  Why do we avoid this discussion just like we avoid the gnats?  We hate to talk about money.  We hate to listen about money.  (But we do like money!)

The financial stewardship conversation in congregations often elicits the gnat response.  Many pastors actually apologize before any sermon or conversation about giving--and they preach/speak to eyes, ears, and mouths (as well as wallets) that are closed up tight.  Many congregants check the calendar and schedule fun things like root canals on stewardship Sundays.  Some churches and congregants eliminate the conversation.  No more talk about finances.  No pledging.  No challenges.  Nothing.  Period. 

But talk about giving, especially in the church, the body of Christ, should not be an annoyance at all, it should be a privilege, a call, a joy.  What has happened to us?  Imagine if baptisms were avoided like the questions of giving.  Would we be concerned?  Would be be talking about the issue?  

Why is financial giving the one place that is off the table in our spiritual lives?  Americans were thrilled to learn that stewardship involved more than just financial giving...which, of course, it does.  But instead of broadening our generous spirits, looking at the "time and talent" part seems to have allowed us to avoid the "treasure"--a perfect solution to the financial gnat problem.

It took monotheism a good while to catch on fully in Old Testament times.  People loved to worship the God of Israel; they just wanted to cover their bases...just in case the LORD couldn't be trusted, they still had their household idols.  Perhaps, instead of blocking or avoiding or eliminating this conversation, we should take a good long look at the issue, at ourselves, and perhaps at the household idol that claims our ultimate trust and loyalty, even over the God we proclaim to love and serve.

Don't Study It...

And I am "studying" stewardship.  And it is good.  And we should study what we don't know.  And we should study what we do know.  And then...

I discover a Japanese proverb: "Don't study something.  Get used to it."

This way of being generous in the world as Jesus teaches is something we love to study.  Read the biblical passages.  Talk about them.  Write books and blogs on them.  Marvel at how astoundingly generous Jesus is with time and spirit.  Think maybe if we study it enough, we'll figure out how to do it...how to get others to do it.

Or maybe, we should "get used to it" instead.  Perhaps the point is to practice generosity.  Maybe that's the best study we can do.

Charles Lane begins his book, Ask, Thank, Tell, with two "mission statements" of a congregations stewardship ministry.  Does your mission statement reflect number one: 

• The goal of our stewardship ministry is to raise enough money to pay the bills next year.

 Or number two: 

• The goal of our stewards ministry is to help God's people grow in their relationship with Jesus.      

Observations: 

• The VAST majority of discussion I have heard about money and giving at the presbytery in the last eight years has reflected mission statement number one.
• The conversation in my own church has a split personality...mission statement number two in sermons and publications, mission statement number one in committees and reports.
• People who are operating out of mission statement number two seem frightened and angry.

Lane makes two pertinent points about this issue.  First he says the church of Jesus Christ has been kidnapped by proponents of mission statement number one.  Second he reminds us that Jesus taught a financial stewardship focused on mission statement number two, speaking never about the church's need for money...speaking only about the giver's need to give (as a response to living in relationship with God.)

To quote Lane again:
If a believer gives to the institution so that others can do ministry and the congregation can keep going, then that person has a major roadblock in the way of a stronger relationship with Jesus.  On the other hand, if that same believer can begin to understand that giving is an act of faith, growing out of a relationship with Jesus, and if that giving can grow toward the tithe, then that believer has taken a huge step toward having stewardship at the heart of his or her relationship with Jesus. (p. 17)


Today's challenge (and I think there will be many more...many, many, more...)
How are we thinking of stewardship and how should we be?  How can we take "one step further" in reclaiming our discipleship, following the way Jesus taught us to live? 





 

What do you need?

What could a stewardship committee at the presbytery level help a local church with?  What do you or your church need to be more effective in teaching/encouraging stewardship?

What can we do for you?